Updated: Sep 19, 2019
Or in more simple terms: Learn Polish.
Thankfully not the whole language: just for a week. At the end of it I may be able to have a sensible conversation with a six-month old.
This is the best thing about YouTube - free lessons on 'tweb. Lesson 1 - the Polish alphabet. There are 32 letters for starters. Thankfully, unlike English, the letter actually represents a corresponding sound.
Excellent introduction helping me learn each symbol's pronunciation. Diminished myself with my-inner twelve-year-old's giggles at the teacher drilling the ą sound, then pronouncing it in sample words...
To my English ears it sounds like a posh person nasally saying 'bonk'.
Apparently it means 'Gadfly'. I've no idea what a gadfly is but it's my new favourite Polish word.
Today's challenge: to learn a few simple greetings.
I exclaim to the cat. He greeted me with his most pissed off 'Morning, but it ain't good' face.
Later I say 'hi' to the cat.
Sounds like Cheshtch. He thinks he's done something wrong and buggers off under the bed.
Practised my new Polish language skills on the cat last night before finally saying 'Dobranoc' (goodnight). He rolled over, farted and then snored.
Do widzenia for now.
Oh, I found a really handy Youtube Polish lesson: where they pronounced a whole phrase, then said it in slo-mo, with lots of silence between times so I could practice twisting my tongue into unnatural positions. And then they repeated it loads. Was great for driving along in my car and pulling funny face contortions at oncoming traffic as I exclaimed "miło cię poznać" at every passing car.
"How's the Polish learning going?" She asked.
"I don't know how to say 'so-so'" I answered.
"Tak sobie," she said.
For all I now, I could now be answering the question with "Your nose is a pineapple." from now on.
I also learnt "Jestem Amerykaninem " (I am American). I'm not but if I'm asked my nationality in Polish...
And then I was told to offer the cat some fish.
"Ryba?" I asked him.
"Clearly it's an apple," he scowled.
Cat nowhere to be found. Will have to just talk to myself. Found a lovely little Polish Lesson on vocabulary for dining out. Figured that should I ever find myself stranded in Poland, this will come in very useful. Beer and wine seem very popular as quite a lot of time was dedicated to drilling in these words - neither of which I like. No words whatsoever on food, which I do like, sadly. On the plus, I learnt three very useful Polish words:
Add in a little " proszę" and there you are: satiated.
Found a 'Learn to Speak Polish in 3 minutes'....thought this was too good to be true.
Jestem Osoba Nieodpowiedzialny. Skończyłem mój Sadventure.