Reaching the top of the ladder...

I fell off my ladder a few years ago. A mixture of stupidity and idiocy. I've never been able to climb up another one since. Now I find myself at the bottom of the heap, I might as well climb everyone else's ladder.

Sod all else to do really.

Actually, no - there's tons of stuff to do. Just a small cash flow problem hinders them. That and a lack of creativity. So to inspire me, I google the symptoms of a mid-life crisis looking for some ideas. Here's just a small sample.

- Fret over thinning hair

My hair is thicker than it's ever been. I have plenty to fret over, but thinning hair is not it.

- Switch from Radio 2 to 6Music.

I live in the Cotswolds. Hardly get any radio reception. Tried tuning into 6 Music. Failed dismally.

- Take vitamin pills.

Nope. The odd fruit scone, piece of carrot cake or hefty dollop of apple crumble always saves the day. Recently had a health check up. Apparently, my kidneys are functioning radically better this year. I didn't know they were functioning badly last year.

- Quit job and buy a B&B or pub.

WTF? Seriously? All that housework? I can barely be arsed to change my own bedsheets let alone anyone else's. And as for late nights in the pub? I'd miss my hot chocolate and the latest goings on in I'm a Celebrity. No, thank you.

- Taking up triathlons or other extreme sports.

You have to be kidding, right? Even the stairs seem insurmountable some days. Have bike. Can motor.

- Finding yourself are easily distracted.

Well, given that's all we have to look forward to, it's hardly surprising.