Nelson's County
We whizzed into the County of Nelson. “You’re home!” I informed the South Korean import who has never previously visited in any of his...
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Person Irresponsible
- Jul 8
- 6 min
Separating ideologies in Cambridgeshire
I love being part of stealth communities, with all their secretive jargon and covert behaviours. When I was a quad-bike rider,...
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Person Irresponsible
- Jun 18
- 6 min
What was the point of Rutland?
Rut, in modern English, refers to a period of the year when the males of the species, usually deer and sheep, are at their most sexually...
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Person Irresponsible
- Jun 14
- 6 min
There are some cheesy goings on, but not in Leicestershire
It is often touted that one should start one’s morning with a meditation, a time of quiet reflection, to ground oneself in readiness for...
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Person Irresponsible
- Jun 8
- 9 min
The Homestead of the Snot People
I only knew two things about Nottinghamshire before the Shitron, Nelson and I swanned in. First, that it was the location for England’s...
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Person Irresponsible
- Jun 5
- 8 min
The Yellow Peril of Lincolnshire
The Admirable Nelson, like all cats has a plethora of quirks. I have recently observed that he prefers to chill in his cat bed beneath...
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Person Irresponsible
- Jun 2
- 6 min
Talking Rubbish in South Yorkshire
Wending my way down the east coast of England, me and my two bags of rubbish on the front seat came to roost in the birthplace of...
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Person Irresponsible
- May 26
- 7 min
The Ostentatious Effrontery of the hamlets of East Riding of Yorkshire
It is coming to the county that is the mealy-mouthed East Riding of Yorkshire that one finds oneself in need of a recap on exactly how...
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Person Irresponsible
- May 15
- 6 min
The Uncomfortable Fashions of West Yorkshire
(Materially Manchester has been re-written for the book as the themes worked better in West Yorkshire) The West Yorkshire market town of...
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Person Irresponsible
- Apr 19
- 10 min
A few days in the life in the North Van-Ridings
I pootled into England’s largest county at a time when the great moors were at their beige best and the wintry heather had it smothered...
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Person Irresponsible
- Apr 16
- 7 min
The Englishman's home is not his Durham Castle
“The Englishman’s home is his castle,” was born of the notion that no authority had the right to enter one’s abode for any reason. In the...
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Person Irresponsible
- Mar 29
- 4 min
Death Features in Tyne & Wear
England’s fifth smallest county gave me little to write about - with just four little places of disgust to remark on, the world should...
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Person Irresponsible
- Mar 29
- 7 min
No one goes to Northumbria anymore
“Where are you off to next?” my friend asked. “Northumbria!” I replied. It turns out that Northumbria ceased to exist in 927. Down with...
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Person Irresponsible
- Mar 27
- 9 min
Cumbria is in the eye of the beholder...
If Scotland and Wales came together to make a baby, Cumbria would be the gushing result. It idles, rather than wanders, lonely as a cloud...
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Person Irresponsible
- Mar 5
- 6 min
The Omnishambles Surrounding Lancashire
In typical English logic, England’s first motorway was called the M6. M to denote “Motorway”, and “6” to account for the five motorways...
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Person Irresponsible
- Mar 3
- 5 min
Culture Ranking (Cranking) in Merseyside
To an American, a crank is someone in a foul-mood; to a Brit, it is an eccentric individual or one behaving in a manner most odd, and to...
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Person Irresponsible
- Mar 1
- 2 min
That Cheesey Cheshire Cat Grin...
....is readily induced just by yelling the word “pussy!” out loud in the vicinity of a heterosexual man. I have no idea if this is a...
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Person Irresponsible
- Mar 1
- 4 min
Materially Manchester
Manchester, or rather the county of Greater Manchester, is another ceremonial concoction formed on 1st April 1974. Unlike Avon, it...
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Person Irresponsible
- Feb 24
- 9 min
Out of Bounds in Derbyshire
Drowning in rugged moorland and vast wilderness, this “county of the deer” is the aptly-named bountiful supplier of roadkill for those...
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Person Irresponsible
- Feb 14
- 8 min
Body Matters in Staffordshire
In 1999, the media fell apart at the seams when the iconic Pretty Woman raised her arms to wave at fans who’d gathered to get a glimpse...
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